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      <title><![CDATA[  - thefig.org]]></title>
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      <pubDate>Sun, 19 Feb 2012 11:27:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[David Cronenberg to write and direct Keith Harris biopic]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/david-cronenberg-to-write-and-direct-keith-harris-biopic/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Controversial Canadian director David Cronenberg has announced plans for his next major feature, a dramatisation of the life and work of the British ventriloquist and entertainer Keith Harris.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Between them, Cronenberg and Harris produced some of the most thought provoking and disturbing images of the 1980s.
		
	


	Harris shot to fame in the early 1980s, appearing in several Royal Variety performances and starring in his own "Keith Harris TV Show" which ran till 1990....]]></description>
         <pubDate>Sun, 19 Feb 2012 11:27:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Pensioner appalled by husband's Internet Explorer history]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/pensioner-appalled-by-husbands-internet-explorer-history/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Thanks to recently acquired IT skills gleaned from a free internet course at her local Adult Education Centre, octogenarian Dorothy Ledger unwittingly stumbled across a trail of scatological-themed pornographic web sites left by her husband's surfing history.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Coffin dodging pervert Syd Ledger and his (until recently) unsuspecting wife Dorothy, whose hands were unwittingly glued to the keyboard.
		
	


	"I was starting to feel left out, what with Syd spending so much...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Fri, 17 Feb 2012 15:26:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Trooping the dogmess: rogue bowel-movement derails military ceremony]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/tramp-dissapointed-with-publics-reaction-to-cat-on-string/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Trooping the colour, the annual military ceremony performed by the Commonwealth and British Army, has survived fainting guardsmen and assassination attempts. But over 200 years of regal tradition was nearly undone at this year's Troop as regiments struggled to manoeuvre around a stray dog turd left by one of Her Majesty's beloved corgis.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Escort To the Colour Regimental Sergeant Major David Cummings narrowly avoids dipping the Colour into a pile of corgi shit. Royal...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Sat, 01 Oct 2011 16:42:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Truss splits the infinitive: grammar Nazi makes rap debut]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/truss-splits-the-infinitive-grammar-nazi-makes-rap-debut/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Lynn Truss, the bestselling author of the book "Eats Shoots And Leaves", today defended her decision to appear on a controversial rap album that encourages young vulnerable adults to reject a life of crime and to return to higher education.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Truss appears with eighties rap star MC Tunes on the opening track 'Tell Yo' Bitch To Check Her Possessive Apostrophe'.
		
	


	Truss duets with eighties rapper MC Tunes &nbsp;on an album that's full of bizarre collaborations,...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Mon, 12 Sep 2011 09:13:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[David Ginola in surprise pork scratching endorsement ]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/david-ginola-in-surprise-pork-scratching-endorsement-/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Mark Grayson, Marketing Director of Red Mill Snacks, has revealed the new face of 'Mr Porky' Pork Scratchings: former Premiership footballer and French pin-up David Ginola.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Mr Porky: un scratching nommé désire.
		
	


	Speaking exclusively to the Fig, Grayson quipped that "Red Mill are delighted to announce&nbsp;that the former French international has decided to swap frogs' legs for pigs' skins. For too long pork scratchings have been branded solely as a pub-based...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:22:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Scatting Laine insane in the brain]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/scatting-laine-insance-in-the-brain/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	She has delighted audiences around the world for over five decades and is credited with introducing generations of music fans to modern jazz singing. But in a touching interview with the fig, Cleo Laine's family reveal for the first time that the bubble-permed jazz stalwart's trademark "scatting" was in fact the first tell-tale symptom of what turned into a 40-year battle with Alzheimer's.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Throughout her career, Cleo Laine made a number of high profile collaborations...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Thu, 08 Sep 2011 11:27:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Ann Widdecombe to launch range of designer underwear]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/ann-widdecombe-to-launch-range-of-designer-underwear/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Columnist, author and reality TV star Anne Widdecombe added to her list of non-political accomplishments by announcing that she is currently in talks with value retailer Peacocks to design and promote a range of 'Anne Widdecombe Designer Lingerie'.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Widdecome briefed her team of designers and marketeers to come up with a product that was "the antithesis of that slutty'Hello Boys' campaign".
		
	


	Ms Widdecombe first had the idea following her eviction from Celebrity...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Tue, 06 Sep 2011 15:16:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[A brief history of 'shrooms]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/a-brief-history-of-shrooms/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	Stephen Hawking, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge, confirmed what anyone who's attempted to read his impenetrable introduction to cosmology has long suspected; that the majority of his multi-million selling book 'A Brief History Of Time' was written whilst the theoretical physicist was "off his wheelchair" on a cocktail magic mushrooms, ketamine, and cough expectorant.

	
	
	
		
			
				
				The cover of the first edition of 'A Brief History Of Time', shown...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Fri, 02 Sep 2011 14:04:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA[Are you Alex James?]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/are-you-alex-james-/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	If you're Alex James, part time bass player with Blur, then you'll lamely quip how you've "exchanged hard drugs for soft cheese!" every time you pop up to plug your dairy produce/TV-show/shit newspaper column. There is only one way to be sure though: complete this issue's Fig questionnaire!

	
	
	
		
			
				
				
				Campaigners hand a 10'000-strong petition into Downing Street insisting that Alex James be made to "stop talking about his fucking cheese".
		
	


	1. After ten years of casual...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Thu, 01 Sep 2011 22:00:00 +0100</pubDate>
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         <title><![CDATA['Would Like To Meet' team suggest Merrick "tries an eighties flange"]]></title>
         <link>http://www.thefig.org/news/would-like-to-meet-team-suggest-merrick-tries-an-eighties-flange/</link>
         <description><![CDATA[
	In the revamped series of the BBC show 'Would Like To Meet', hosts Lowri Turner and Tracey Cox have suggested that neurofibromatosis sufferer/Victorian curiousity John Merrick should "try an eighties 'flange' haircut".

	
	
	
		
			
				
				Grotesque, disturbing, but ultimately sympathetic. Yet despite this, Phil Oakey's disfiguring haircut (left) has yet to be the focus of an oscar winning film.
		
	


	In the new series of the show, which starts in November following a seven year absence...]]></description>
         <pubDate>Thu, 01 Sep 2011 20:36:00 +0100</pubDate>
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