Trooping the dogmess: rogue bowel-movement derails military ceremony

01/10/2011 16:42

Trooping the colour, the annual military ceremony performed by the Commonwealth and British Army, has survived fainting guardsmen and assassination attempts. But over 200 years of regal tradition was nearly undone at this year's Troop as regiments struggled to manoeuvre around a stray dog turd left by one of Her Majesty's beloved corgis.

Trooping the Dogmess - The FigEscort To the Colour Regimental Sergeant Major David Cummings narrowly avoids dipping the Colour into a pile of corgi shit. Royal dogwatchers warned that Mr Firsky (right) had been "really caning the Winalot".

The incident occurred shortly after Field Officer James Burroughs had saluted the Queen and informed her that the Foot Guards were ready to slow-march. "I'd actually spotted the rogue turd 20 seconds before the Grenadier Guards were due to pass Her Majesty", explained the Field Offficer, " and I briefly considered using my sword to flick some gravel over it. But there wasn't enough time.

"Instead I discreetly told the first row of the Grenadiers that 'the corgis are unwell' - which is a coded message that we use for situations like this - and asked him to 'pass it backwards'. "

Burroughs' quick thinking paid off, and for the most part, the stool was negotiated by all six regiments. The Welsh Guard's rendition of 'Men Of Harlech' wavered a little as several tuba players struggled to negotiate the royal stool, but Burroughs is convinced that Her Majesty wouldn't have noticed anything out of the ordinary, suggesting that the Queen "is probably used to the horses that make up the mounted cavalry really letting go".

It's not the first time that misplaced excreta has threatened to disrupt the three hour ceremony. A royal source (who wished to remain anonymous) claimed "the gaffe-prone Prince Philip has shat himself during 'the Troop' on more than one occasion. He usually blames it on having to stand still for such a long time, but I know for a fact that in 1992 it was the previous night's prawn and mushroom dhansak that he'd reheated and finished-off for breakfast."