Article archive :: The-fig

David Irving starts jail sentence for 'Hasselhoff Denial'

30/05/2012 23:35

Disgraced historian and holocaust denier David Irving faces a severe sentence following his conviction for denying the fundamental role that David Hasselhoff played in events that lead to the collapse of the Berlin Wall. Hasselhoff was fundamental in two of the most iconic...

West Country poet favourite to land James Bond role

30/05/2012 22:32

Writer, poet, and broadcaster Pam Ayres has surprised movie insiders by emerging as the clear favourite to play James Bond in next year's 24th movie of the popular spy series, following news that Daniel Craig's appearance as the MI6 agent in Skyfall will be his...

David Cronenberg to write and direct Keith Harris biopic

19/02/2012 11:27

Controversial Canadian director David Cronenberg has announced plans for his next major feature, a dramatisation of the life and work of the British ventriloquist and entertainer Keith Harris. Between them, Cronenberg and Harris produced some of the most thought provoking...

Pensioner appalled by husband's Internet Explorer history

17/02/2012 15:26

Thanks to recently acquired IT skills gleaned from a free internet course at her local Adult Education Centre, octogenarian Dorothy Ledger unwittingly stumbled across a trail of scatological-themed pornographic web sites left by her husband's surfing history. Coffin dodging...

Trooping the dogmess: rogue bowel-movement derails military ceremony

01/10/2011 16:42

Trooping the colour, the annual military ceremony performed by the Commonwealth and British Army, has survived fainting guardsmen and assassination attempts. But over 200 years of regal tradition was nearly undone at this year's Troop as regiments struggled to manoeuvre around a stray dog turd...

Truss splits the infinitive: grammar Nazi makes rap debut

12/09/2011 09:13

Lynn Truss, the bestselling author of the book "Eats Shoots And Leaves", today defended her decision to appear on a controversial rap album that encourages young vulnerable adults to reject a life of crime and to return to higher education. Truss appears with eighties rap...

David Ginola in surprise pork scratching endorsement

09/09/2011 16:22

Mark Grayson, Marketing Director of Red Mill Snacks, has revealed the new face of 'Mr Porky' Pork Scratchings: former Premiership footballer and French pin-up David Ginola. Mr Porky: un scratching nommé désire. Speaking exclusively to the Fig, Grayson quipped that...

Scatting Laine insane in the brain

08/09/2011 11:27

She has delighted audiences around the world for over five decades and is credited with introducing generations of music fans to modern jazz singing. But in a touching interview with the fig, Cleo Laine's family reveal for the first time that the bubble-permed jazz stalwart's trademark "scatting"...

Ann Widdecombe to launch range of designer underwear

06/09/2011 15:16

Columnist, author and reality TV star Ann Widdecombe added to her list of non-political accomplishments by announcing that she is currently in talks with value retailer Peacocks to design and promote a range of 'Ann Widdecombe Designer Lingerie'. Widdecome briefed her team...

A brief history of 'shrooms

02/09/2011 14:04

Stephen Hawking, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge, confirmed what anyone who's attempted to read his impenetrable introduction to cosmology has long suspected; that the majority of his multi-million selling book 'A Brief History Of Time' was written whilst the...

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